28 September 2010

24 September 2010


So, last night I received a text as I was sitting on my couch watching Willow with quite possibly the most disgustingly greasy hair man has ever seen. It said: "Hey! Want to hang out with the guys from Bad Rabbits?" Seeing as I hadn't seen two of them since our first chance meeting when they crashed out house party (during which one of them gave me a foot massage), I realized there was only one thing to do. GO. I mean, how often does one get to hang out with an up-and-coming band in their green room after their set?!

So, I hopped in the shower, tossed on my tightest black jeans, a loose striped blouse, and a pair of high heels that put me a couple inches over all but one of the guys in the band, sprayed my hair to within an inch of it's life with hairspray, and hopped in a cab with Antonina.

The green room party was fairly tame, even by my standards, although by the time we left, the floor was covered in hundreds of skittles. (Why someone had arrived with 2 boxes worth of skittle packets, I don't know, but I did get home with about 11 packets of them in my purse, along with 10 pens and 2 pears from the rider.) Everyone was sipping on whiskey, so I took a few very dainty sips before passing my drink off to Ant, who had lost hers. I'm not quite sure what was going on, but all the shortest men in the room were paying A LOT of attention to me. Perhaps it was their close proximity to my boobs, or maybe the challenge of taming an Amazon seemed like a fun activity for the night. All I know is... I spent a lot of time attempting to fade away from conversations. ;-)

Anyhoodle, as the end of the night approached, Ant and the bassist were speaking very closely, so I wandered over to the rest of the band as they got their stuff ready to leave. This is where I met Salim for the second time. Salim is the guitarist for the group, and during the 5 minutes we chatted, we bonded over his awesome crocodile guitar case, and the fact that I was a magician at procuring Bell-Hops. Let me repeat - during the 5 MINUTES that we chatted. Remember that.

So, as everyone is drunkenly bouncing around here, there, and everywhere, Salim and I attempted to get all of the instruments onto an elevator with the utmost of difficulty. Why this hotel had such narrow doors on the elevator, but as the door closed itself on the dolley, I was laughing so hard I was nearly crying, and he was cracking some pretty fantastic jokes at our expense. Total time in each others presence - 8 minutes.

Finally, after some shifting around of cases and the selection of an entirely new elevator, we successfully maneuvered into our carriage for the trip down 1 story. I leaned up against the back wall, and before I could say 'horseshoe' I had lips against my lips!!!!!!!! I don't know about you all, but I had always wondered what it would be like to be completely surprised by a kiss. The truth is, that it was a whole host of experiences wrapped up in one. It was exciting, awkward, slightly insulting, and hilarious, all at the same time. In light of that, I pulled back and said: "What in the WORLD was that?!"

His response? "Spontaneity."

Since it was a 15 second trip down, we both exited the elevator immediately after this exchange. I ran for Antonina and he made for his taxi to his hotel.

I think I'm still confused.


17 September 2010

Polka-Dots to the Rescue!!!

This morning, as I was walking to the T, I was crafting a biting message to all dog owners that don't clean up after their dogs.

"Dear Inconsiderate Bastards..." it would start. Then it would go on to explain that, "The humbling experience of picking up and carrying your dog's poo in a bag might be uncomfortable for you, but by no means does this lend a valid excuse to leaving it be in the middle of the sidewalk. Why? Because no level of discomfort that they feel can match the humiliating experience of stepping in their dog's shit. NONE!"

It was going to go on forever and really lay into them, but then... POOF! I saw a man carrying a polka-dot umbrella.

What was I talking about?


10 September 2010

I apologize in advance...

Mom, I'm sorry. You're not going to think this post is funny.


So, I'm taking part in a date auction for charity. It's kickball-sponsored, and so as part of the set-up, they gave us a questionnaire with questions that were begging for sexual jokes. Now, I don't have the flare for forced humor, so I enlisted the help of a friend. What resulted, is the hilarity that I am about to post below. We'll see how much I tweak before I have to turn it in on Sunday. My guess is that I'll totally freak out on Saturday and change every single answer, because I really don't have the balls for what's below...

Name & Nickname: Katie a.k.a. "Chickaboom"

Team: Superfreaks

Dream Job: Sex Swing Acrobat

Favorite Position: The upside-down petal stripper (Oh... and second base.)

1. If you could change your name to a certain food or condiment, what would it be?
Honey Bun

2. What alcoholic beverage best describes you?
The Naughty Holiday

3. If you had the power of invisibility where would you go and what would you do?
Navy submarine, I'd "wax the ship"

4. If you had the power to get rid of one state, what would it be and why?
Kansas, because I forget it exists anyway

5. What Jersey Shore character are you the most like and why?
JWoww, except my big tits are 100% real

6. If you had to star in a brand new reality TV show, what woul dit be called and what would be the plot?
"America's Next Trophy Wife" - challenges would range from romance languages to cunnilingus

7. If you could have an affair with a celebrity, who would it be and why?
The Naked Cowboy, because he fills out his briefs, and I've always wanted a reason to yell "YEEHAW!"

8. If you woke up one morning and realized you were a man, what would be the first thing you did?
I'd call in sick and play with my new penis all day.

9. Have you ever had a stalker or been a stalker? Explain.
No, but that's just because Justin Bieber doesn't live close enough.

10. What's the most dangerous/daring thing you have ever done?
Given head with braces

11. What's your favorite electronic device?
The toaster oven. (Oh! Got you there!)

12. If you could name a Stump Trivia Team after yourself, what would it be called?
Quiz on My Tits

13. What's your most embarrassing date story?
I'm too adorable for any of my actions to be embarrassing.

14. Name your top 5 turn ons and turn offs: (This, like the toaster over, I answered honestly)
Turn ons: Bow ties, thick thighs, nerdiness, big smiles, and witty repartee
Turn offs: Social conservatives, capri pants, meekness, snobbery, ignorance

Now... who wants to bid on me???!!! ;-)


09 September 2010

Hmmmm... Hehe

I was going to write a post entitled: "I  may be drunk, but..." but unfortunately, I got distracted by sending an apology to Mike, whose silly band I broke. (I'm fixing it!!!!!) And... well... Aaron bought me PatrĂ³n. Who can say no to that?!

So, after my first true night of drunkenness since arriving in Boston (correct me if I'm wrong), I'm way too sleepy and distracted to write the humorous post I was planning on the T.

It had something to do with lace t-shirts, skirts that border on your panty line, something about sea sickness, and yeah... hilarity in general.

Have I told you all that I love you? ;-)


01 September 2010

Love at first sight...

Today on the T, I fell in love. I was so enthralled by this one guy, that I forgot to sneak a picture. (I was also way too close and was obviously staring, so I'm sure that he would have noticed me snapping a photo of him. It's just... he was PERFECT!!! At least... physically that is.

Here's what I mean...

Style wise, he looked like this:

But when he sat down, peaking out from the bottom of his khaki shorts was this:

Well, something like it, at least. Not only that... but I could tell there were more, many more tattoos hidden under that fantastic outfit, in fact. 

This, ladies and gentlemen, was the mystical combination that I have been looking for since I was twelve. I have always wanted a stylish guy covered in tattoos that somehow manages not to be a total douche. I wasn't sure it was probable, let alone possible, that I'd find one, but seeing this guy with his girlfriend (I know, that was disappointing) makes me believe that they really do exist!

Any of you know of one who isn't already dating their own version of me?


P.S. Oh... and let me know who you all are! I get some readers from places where I was not aware I had friends. Seeing as I was under the impression that only 7 people read my blog, this obviously is a surprise to me! I'd love to be able to give you a shout out! (I'm sure Rach, Kel, Brad, Joy, Jenny, Maddie, etc. would appreciate you taking some of the attention off of them.)