29 August 2010

Oh, right...

Did I mention I'm single? Right. I'm single.


28 August 2010

You're sitting in a movie theater...

With a guy you've recently met. You knew the evening could have been considered a date, but since you felt absolutely no chemistry, the assumption was that he wasn't either. In lieu of dancing, you opt for a movie because, really, you've run out of small talk.

As Michael Cera once again falls madly in love with a girl who's got baggage (albeit in a fun hybrid of cinema and video games)... it happens. His hand hits the clutch in your lap. Seeing as it's palm up, you quickly deduce that he has indeed just tried to offer you his hand, and mistook your pale clutch as an appendage. You freeze, mind racing as to possible ways of brushing this off... but his upturned hand is there, in your lap. "Ha! What the heck was that?!" you whisper emphatically. Perhaps the embarrassment of mistaking your lump of cell phone, cards, and lip gloss wrapped in leather as your hand will be enough to make him retreat. In response he lifts his hand and bobs it in a, "I'm trying to hold you hand, so put yours in mine," kind of way.

There is no right move in this moment. Saying no or leaving his hand unfilled will result in an hour of a boy 5 inches away from you with his feelings hurt. Holding his hand means that you have to suffer forced intimacy.

You choose to suffer. You fingers interlace, and his thumb drags back and forth along the side of your left index finger. It's supposed to be reassuring, and it normally sends tingles up your arm, but now your brain is screaming that you're being touched, and no matter how innocent it is, you don't like it.

(5 minutes later)

You've been in agony for 5 minutes, when suddenly, things manage to take a turn for the worst. He moves your hand over towards him, so that he can take it in both of his. One hand is intertwined with yours, the other is stroking the back of your hand. You just. can't. take. it.

SALVATION!!! You remember you forgot to put you phone on silent when a character in the movie gets a text message. You whisper out a, "oh shit!" release yourself from his double-hand death grip, and dive your hands into your clutch. This is not the time to be subtle. You make sure that he sees you're putting your phone on silent. It wasn't him, you see, it was that you didn't want to be inconsiderate of others.

Once you put the phone back into the clutch and secure it, you have a choice to make. You make like you're straightening out your skirt, tugging at the ends as if your tight military-inspired t-shirt dress will budge, and you cross you legs so that your torso tilts away from his. Just so that he doesn't get any funny ideas, your hands both move to your right, and you hold the only hand that you feel comfortable with in the whole theater - your own.

Take a big breath, and let it out. You're safe. That is... as long as you make sure that he doesn't walk you home...

The Awkward Dater

25 August 2010

What it means to be a girl...

Funny quote I heard today:

"You really are a girl."
"Yes, and it's not just the genitalia. It's a whole lifestyle!"


20 August 2010

Cupcake Coolery...

First of all... you get to watch a tiramisu cupcake build itself through overlaid successive photos on this blog:

The Cupcake Project

Then... Here's how I'd like to be proposed to:

I'd prefer something other than red roses, though. 

I had a guy say this to me today:

I greatly enjoy that you think of cupcakes as merely permutations of ingredients. That is some dedicated nerdcore cooking.

And finally... here's the newest "I WANT" in the cupcake category:


12 August 2010

Happy Feet!!!

So, in light of my self-kindness initiative... I decided I need happy feet.

Ooooooh.... sooooo comfy.

Crazy tread!!!

These are my new walking/running shoes, made by Vibram Five Fingers. You're supposed to ease yourself into barefoot running, so I'm wearing them around today to get myself realigned. Needless to say, I'm attracting a heck of a lot of attention. You know me, though, I love it!!!

Once I take these bad boys for a run around the block, I'll let you know what I think!


11 August 2010

Mmmmm... Dinner...

On the menu for tonight:

Sautéed Beef with Mushrooms
Yam with Avocado (instead of butter)

Roasted Peach with Honey

I had no idea I could come up with such delicious food!!!


09 August 2010

My Body is a Temple...

It has happened. I looked in the mirror and finally took stock of what the past year has done to my body. Is it horrible? No. Did I ignore ALL of the lessons that Shari (The Wonder Trainer) taught me? Every. Single. One.

Now, this would be fine and dandy if I still felt the way that I did last August, but I don't. There are a few subtle changes that I've noticed.

1. I've been focusing more on clothes that make my body look good, (i.e. spanx, décolletage, and optical illusions) instead of just finding things that compliment my shape.

2. My skin has run amuck.

3. My kick ass self-confidence is becoming increasingly easy to rattle.

4. The prospect of going to the gym makes me anxious... even when planning on going to the classes I like.

I'd say that's enough to realize that some changes need to be made, yes?

Rather than building out a 6-day-a-week workout schedule and cutting out everything that I love, I've decided that I'm going to try a one-word life change: RESPECT. I will respect myself - body and mind. Here's how I plan to manifest this concept in my daily life:

- I will use natural products on my face, and will no longer attack zits that no one can see but me.

- I will take myself for walks, go to yoga classes, and try to make time in my day to really sweat.

- I will cook my breakfast and dinner, taking the time to fully experience my meal. This includes eating until comfortably full, but not past it.

- I will eat dessert, (OF COURSE!) but I plan to only eat desserts that I've made myself, or that I can buy directly from where they are made.

- I will get rest during the week. Being diligent 8-5 means less late nights, and a much happier Katie.

- I will continue to keep alcohol consumption to a minimum. Luckily, I'm just crazy enough to get away with being sober at parties!

- I will voice my anxiety, frustrations, or what-have-you shortly after their appearance. I will not let anything fester.

- I will 100% accept who I am right now. There is absolutely nothing healthier than good self-esteem.

So, the only issue now is whether or not this is as easy in practice as it is in theory. Convenience stores are the closest places to me at all times, I get hungry at the same hour as senior citizens, 6 am is a rough time to get yourself out of bed when you've been doing spreadsheets all night, fear of confrontation is an amazing motivator to shut up, and my favorite TV shows are on when I should be going to bed. Taking care of myself means adding another step to every part of my life - compromising instant gratification for overall well-being. I'll just hope that I'll be motivated enough to practice some patience and self-control.




What women want...

Today I thought about it for a moment, and I realized that women are incredibly simplistic. The fact that men haven't figured things out by now is a staggering show of obliviousness. So, boys... given that a girl is attracted to you... let's say you've made it to date #2. Here is what we want:

Step 1: Unbridled passion
Step 2: Statement of devotion
Step 3: Laughter and general silliness


Anyone care to disagree?


06 August 2010

Dear Anonymous...

I grew some cojones. I think it went well. We'll just have to see!


Speaking of HORROR...

This cupcake celebrates "The Little Shop of Horrors." AWESOME!!!


Oh... Ew!

Apparently any concerns I might have had about my sexual prowess were not buried deeply enough. Last night my subconscious found that nugget, and delivered an extremely disgusting dream. Okay, so it wasn't as disgusting as you're now probably thinking... but it did involve THIS GUY being some sort of... tutor?

Yuck. I feel like I need to scrub my brain with 100% ethanol, and then take shots of whatever is left in the bottle.


02 August 2010

TV Cupcakes!!!!

So, first of all... I apologize for not realizing a long time ago that THESE were in fact a reference to Futurama. I now know and love the show. To make up for my misstep, I've found more Futurama cupcakes, as well as several other awesome cartoons!

3-D Futurama cupcakes

[Adult Swim] Medley

South Park

Sponge Bob Square Pants

I obviously need to teach myself the art of fondant... soooooo awesome!!!