31 January 2010

Sunday post!!

Alright ladies and gents... I need you all to send me happy thoughts again. I've got 4 hours of interviews starting tomorrow at 9:00 am. So cross your fingers, do a good luck dance, try and send me every bit of knowledge you have so that I don't stick my foot in my mouth, anything!!!!!

Together, we can totally land a job, right???


29 January 2010


This is why it's good to like guys that are "quirky." And why I should have been and engineer.


This... wow...

Strawberry Basket...

I don't know why... but I always skip over this cupcake for my blog posts. It's not quite as striking as the others, I guess... but it is adorable. So, here's the strawberry basket cupcake!!

Isn't it so pretty?!



I am lacking in blogtastic inspiration today. Last night after winning 2 kickball games in a row, (What, What??!!! Go Alcoballics!!!) and going on to sing karaoke until 2 am... My creative juices are dripping like a leaky faucet, rather then raining down like a spectacular waterfall.

So, while I wait for my brain to wake up, I thought I'd enlist your help. I need karaoke inspiration for next week. What should I sing??? To give you an idea... here's what I've sung previously:

1. Crazy - Patsy Cline
2. Fever - Peggy Lee
3. Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar (This didn't go as great as I had hoped.)
4. Black Velvet - Alannah Myles... gonna have to try this solo
5. Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio
6. Curbside Prophet - Jason Mraz
7. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
8. Give Me One Reason - Tracy Chapman
9. Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Night
10. Rolling on the River - CCR Version

I know 100% that I will sing Killing Me Softly next time, since a bitch stole it from me last night... but I need something peppy to go along with it.



28 January 2010

Why I'm Badass...

Because I will rock 5 inch heels, even after stepping on a piece of glass. That's why.

I. Love. Me.


Oopsie Daisy!

So, I have this habit of stretching over the back of my chair while I sit. It's fairly regular for someone that has to stay seated for long periods of time. Today, however, it became dangerous.

It's all because of my dress. Here's my dress... (sketchy office bathroom mirror-style).

Note the silk up top... since silk doesn't stretch.

So... I'm in my chair... I reach my hands behind my head and lean back... I look down towards my computer... and I see...

MY BRA... 3/4 of my bra-covered-boobs coming out of the top of my dress!!! Holy cow's milk and one-eyed leprechauns - the twins were out!!!!!!!! (Louis and Clark, if I haven't already informed you... they like to go on expeditions.)

My reaction? Was it to put my arms down and gingerly pluck the front of my dress up? No... of course not. I let out a: "Waa!" and snatched at my dress, and then furtively looked around the office (while still clutching the silk) to see if anyone had noticed. Thank goodness Joni has decided to ignore all of my nonsensical utterances. Oh... and that Lou didn't turn around.


No... NO... NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!


THE SKY IS FALLING!!! PIGS ARE FLYING!!! (And I guess getting pummeled by falling pieces of sky.) THE BIG BAD WOLF HAS COME TO BLOW MY HOUSE OF HAY DOWN!!!

I just... can't... stand it...

Letter to and unsuspecting person...

Dear guy on king street dressed in all of your air force gear including your bomber jacket,



What?? No Cupcakes???

I can't believe it!! Yesterday I didn't post a single cupcake!! Let me make it up to you...

With 1,200 cupcakes!!!!! Oh... and they also make an image of our president... 


27 January 2010

I dare you...

To find a man that looks better in a suit than Matt Bomer. I'm serious... I DARE YOU. Submit your choices to nerdyfitness@gmail.com.

You know a man is rocking a suit when you immediately start picturing him without it.


My Husband

Everyone please meet my future husband. His name? Dude with the Hula Hoop on the Ruelala Sign-In Page. As you can probably guess, I've decided to keep my last name.

Isn't he FANTASTIC???!!! Any man who can hula hoop down 5th avenue while sporting a suit is the man for me.


Oh... and another thing...

I want to look this fabulous in this outfit. I obviously would not be rocking that hairstyle... but how badass does she look??!!


What if I just asked for the legs... could I at least have those???


The did it AGAIN!!!

This time the inmates were joined by a few guards... who look American to me. Is there something I don't know about American-Philippine relations??

Dancing Inmates Kick Ass - Again


26 January 2010

Best forward of all time...

My friend Jenny forwarded me an email with these photos, entitled: "What chefs do when they're bored." I thought it was so fantastic that I downloaded every single photo, so that you could also enjoy it. I added captions in case you've already seen these and are in need of further entertainment...


When bad collagen injections happen to good fish.

Linearly challenged leap frogs.

Terry teaches the other penguins about where babies come from.

Kenny stealthily sneaks a peak.

Billy just found out that he is not, in fact, a kumquat.

Mr. Papaya Pig does not approve.

George was embarrassed to find that the only other things "in the raw" were the appetizers.

Kevin Kiwi and the unfortunate ice cream incident.

Childhood obesity... not just dangerous for the fat kid.

This is absolutely frightening.

Ned was nervous. Very nervous.

I dare you to not think about a dirty joke involving peanut butter.

Jalapeno puppy wondered why he smelled bacon...

Octobanana... 8 legs of unrelenting evil.

All he was looking for was a friend to call his own.

Luckily, so was Olly.

Bart's mom told him he shouldn't have blown that bubble so big.

"The Lemons" got their name for a reason. Gossiping bitches were sour as shit.

Katie figured if she stared at it long enough, perhaps a dead baby joke would come to mind.

This yam reminds me of a cartoon character. $10 to whoever can tell me which.

Once again Sammy ruined the Christmas card photo.

The kids on the magic school bus were excited for their field trip.
Little did they know of the shit they would face in the bowel.

Lily was glad to see that the rain had finally stopped.

They wanted to know if it would be creepy to kiss with their eyes open.
It was.


I love my dad...

I was just telling my dad about my Big Bang Theory rant... I explained to him my complaints, then explained Kelley's addition... His reply?

"Of course modern humans and neanderthals lived at the same time. How would we know to call someone a neanderthal if we didn't have first hand experience?"



Things overheard/said today around the office...

"I could not find any hole reinforcements."

"People don't realize the destruction caused by floaties."

"I believe I just successfully de-beefed my noodles."

"The tattoo artist is showing up as content... FUCK."

"We just want to hydrate you."

"Hello. Hello? Hello? Helloooo??!! HI!!!!!! Okay, seriously, what's up?"

"You don't look like another Mountain Dew."

Hehe... I'm going to miss it here.


Ugly day...

In response to my current "ugly day" situation... I am going to write a song to the tune of "Lovely Day" by Bill Withers.

When my hair won't do what I want
And it looks greasy from the start
No hairspray can fix it now
A braid will have to do

Oh I look at me
The mirror's not being nice you see
Oh I look at me
And I know it's gonna be

An ugly day...
Ugly day, ugly day, ugly day, ugly day

When concealer isn't working right
And zits just won't run and hide
Foundation turns into cake
And I look like Chuckie's bride

Oh I look at me
The mirror's not being nice you see
Oh I look at me
And I know it's gonna be

An ugly day...
Ugly day, ugly day, ugly day, ugly day

When the outfit just makes it worse
Cause black and tan don't make me pop
Proportions are all just off
Fug girls would chew me out

Oh I look at me
The mirror's not being nice you see
Oh I look at me
And I know it's gonna be

An ugly day...
Ugly day, ugly day, ugly day, ugly day


Do you remember...

When someone would squeeze their hand on your head and say: "What is this? It's a brain sucking parasite. What is is doing? It's starving."

Well, thanks to Kelley, we can now picture that parasite... in cupcake form!!!!



25 January 2010

Blonde Catch-22...

What I have sitting next to me at my desk looks like a blackberry and rice burrito. (It's supposed to save my phone from water damage.) I wanted to take a photo to show you all, but I then realized that I use my blackberry as my camera. If I were to take a photo, I'd have to take my blackberry out of it's Ziploc bag "tortilla" and therefore, by definition, it would no longer be blackberry and rice burrito. If I want to maintain the blackberry and rice burrito, I can't take a photo.



I can't believe my eyes...

Friday night, while out with some friends, I witnessed something UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

I'm such a creeper...

THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is LINE for the MEN'S ROOM!!!!!!!!! I was absolutely floored, and giggled for a minute while my friends pretended not to know me. I mean, why not revel in the moment??

Anyhoodle, I snapped a photo of these men... who obviously saw me do it... and figured I'd share this wondrous event with you all!!


Prayer to the Blackberry gods...

My water bottle leaked in my bag today, and didn't exactly soak everything, but surely misted all my belongings. Now my blackberry keeps saying the keys are locked while I'm in the midst of writing a text message. I've taken the battery out, and am hoping that letting it dry while turned off will help the situation. The only thing left now is to pray to the blackberry gods. So, here we go...

To the All-Powerful Blackberry Deities,
I ask you this day to spare my Blackberry Tour. In the few months that we have gotten to know each other, we've become extremely close. I often just hold it in my hands and twirl it while having face-to-face, non-virtual conversations. The feeling of being able to so easily switch my attention to someone far away while ignoring the person in front of me keeps me sane - for a whole world of more interesting people is constantly at my fingertips. And who can forget that this lovely being that you brought into existence with your merciful grace and knowledge of engineering also happens to hold many of my memories? Just now, the grips of moisture have pulled away from me a photo that I'd like to use for a blog post. (A blog post I'd rather be writing...) I wouldn't trouble you if it weren't for the severity of the situation. And so, I beg of you, do not separate me from my precious blackberry!! There's so much more inappropriate texting to be had!! Sneak photos to be taken!! Trivia questions to be answered when computers aren't handy!! 

SAVE MY PHONE!!!!!! (Especially since water damage isn't covered under the warranty.) I BEG OF YOU!!!!!!


22 January 2010

Misunderstood sentence of the day...

Today I was appalled when a guy friend said to me: "Is eating you an upside?"

I mean... how inappropriate!!!

Except, what he really said was: "Is it eating you up inside?" He was referencing our upcoming haircut competition... I had just mentioned that he seemed really confident about his haircut, and it made me think he did something drastic, which in turn made me think I should have gotten more than a trim. In other words there is no reason why I should have misunderstood him, he was speaking completely in context, but I'm kinda glad I did.



After watching an amazing "Wife Swap" clip about a boy freaking out over the loss of Bacon...


... I was inspired, and found these delicious-looking bacon cupcakes... mmmmmm...??? I think I might actually make some this weekend, just for "skips" and giggles.

French Toast and Bacon Cupcakes... Cupcake Breakfast!!

Chocolate and Bacon Cupcake with Caramel Buttercream Icing...
anyone else oddly turned on??

Chocolate, peanut butter, toffee, bacon cupcakes.
Wow... just... Wow.


P.S. Thanks for the inspiration, Joy!!!

What the heck??!!

Today I woke up at 7:30. I felt like another 15 minutes would be helpful, so I reset my alarm, only to find myself awake again before it went off. I looked at my clock, turned off the alarm, and got to work on getting ready.

It didn't take me any longer than usual to get ready, and I checked my watch as I got ready to make sure that my extra few minutes of sleep hadn't left me running late (or too late, at least). At 35 after, I hopped in my car and drove to work.

I looked at my watch as I got out of the car and realized I was a little later than hoped... 45 after, but no one usually notices that. I got into the office, said hello to everyone, sat down at my desk, turned on my computer, and waited for it to boot up.

My computer booted up... I looked at the clock... and it said 9:50...


I somehow missed an entire hour of my day without realizing it. Apparently Joni was just waiting for me to realize it, because the second I said: "What the fuck??" She said: "Yeah... I guess you didn't realize it's almost 10:00??"


How did this happen???!!! How did I lose an hour???!!! Was a souped-up Delorean involved???!!! Will I learn later today that I no longer have a Uterus???!!! HAVE I BEEN PROBED??!!!



21 January 2010


I already gave you cookie monster... so I figured I'd give you some more from the Sesame Street gang!!!!

The Big Avian Organism

The Crotchity Green Dude

The One that Laughs When You Tickle Him



Lobster baby in a pot...

Today I received an email with photos of "bad parents," and one of them didn't seem bad to me. Really, it just seemed awesome.

Where's the butter?

I just find this genius... mainly because the kid's halloween costume requires that it remain in the pot. I also like the sick nature of the halloween costume idea, due to the fact that it makes me think of dead baby jokes. (Everyone loves a dead baby joke... no matter how disturbing... and as long as you don't actually think about it.)


20 January 2010

Two of my favorite things...

Together in harmony!!!

Stay away if your nickname happens to be "Tina Tequila Tears."

All I need is salt of the rim of the shot glass, and I'm in heaven!!!


P.S. I love you Tina.

You know you're an anthropology nerd when...

You want to correct the theme song for The Big Bang Theory.  (Let's forget for a moment the implications of this particular show being one of my favorites, and just focus on the theme song.) Does everyone know it? It goes thusly:

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang!

Now, I know this really shouldn't bother me... because I should have known from the moment that they said: "the autotrophs began to drool," that this wasn't necessarily written to be very accurate. However, I can't help but cringe every time the Barenaked Ladies sing "Neanderthals developed tools." First of all, they mispronounce Neanderthals, which is something most people do, so I forgive them. What I can't forgive, though, is the misrepresentation of the species as the first to discover tools. NO! This is simply not true. Anyone who would happen to look into the... bull dung... coming out of their mouth would know that Homo habilis is attributed with the first use of tools - 2.5 MILLION YEARS AGO!!! I mean, the species name means "handy man" for goodness sakes!! This gross lyrical mistake cuts off millions of years of tool usage by our evolutionary ancestors... and the more I write, the more peeved I get. If you're going to have a TV show about modern day physicists in a non-fictional location... you should take the 5 seconds to research Homo neanderthalensis on wikipedia and realize that they were using previously discovered technology. Jeeze!!

I think I've made my point. 


19 January 2010

It just gets better...

I suggest you all look into foodgawker.com. The people who post their photos and recipes are really quite hilarious, and the ideas are amazing. This particular cupcake really caught my eye... and the caption just made it even better.

Pickle and ice cream cupcakes: I thought they were good, but then again, I'm pregnant!



I'm sorry... but I was in search of new and exciting cupcakes... and the tag line on one particular batch was just too hilarious to skip.

"Vegan Chocolate Beet Cupcakes are the perfect gift for the man in your life."




See if you can figure out what's special about these sunflowers... mwahahaha!!


While reading through marketing blogs and recent Nielsen data, I came across this photo. Normally I don't notice the photos accompanying the written results, but this one struck me. How many of you have seen "older" men and women that look like this?? The man has pectoral muscles, and the woman has a taught neck and what appears to be a rounded upper boob, not to mention that they're both better toned than most people my age... to which I say: "Whaaaaaa??!!"

If you happen to remember the post I had about plastic surgery gone wrong, I pose this photo as part of the problem. Since when did the beauty of aging become the beauty of trying to look 30 for the rest of your life? How can we possibly have a healthy attitude towards our own maturation, if every photo we see is telling us that we're not doing it "correctly?" During a random work assignment, I started talking to a woman in the office about face-lift procedures, to which she responded, "I laughed a hell of a lot to get these wrinkles, thank you. I'd like to keep them."

Why can't more of us be like my sassy coworker? Although the aches and pains are sure to be a headache, I'd like to think that I'll be able to look at the progression of my face and body as a reminder of all of the experiences I've had. Perhaps the idea of erasing my wrinkles could be a sort of blasphemy, or at least regarded as a regrettable act - like the fading of my favorite scar over the years, taking the story with it.

Do you think it's possible? Or will I hit 30 and immediately see my bourgeoning wrinkles as a constant reminder of the fact that my best days are behind me? Is there a way to disassociate aging from the loss of experience and excitement?


15 January 2010

But who can be an asshole...

When they provide you with such awesome photos of cupcakes to look at??!!

It's a cupcake! It's a pie! Wait... what??

You know you love it...


General Musings...

I think it's about time I sit and write something on this blog again. Links and cupcakes do not a blog make... no matter how awesome they are. Anyhoodle, recently I've been wondering if I'm a shithead. You know? Like... sometimes I sit and think about the thoughts that go through my head throughout the day, and the way I act, and it just hits me. I'm an asshole.

Let's think about this...

- I have never been in a relationship for more than 3 months. Why? Because I freak out at 3 months (or less) and convince myself that one moment more in the relationship will be the end of me. Most of the time it's not an issue, because it wouldn't have worked out in the end... but I've got one or two where I kick myself about ending it. And then, I realize that whatever I'm thinking is useless, because the guys are the ones that got dumped out of the blue! They never saw it coming! I was all cuddles and laughing and then BOOM!!! Shit move... although I guess it could be argued that cooling the jets for a while before ending it isn't all roses and sunshine either.

- I totally gossip about what women are wearing from 5 feet away from them. I'm pretty sure I've been heard at least a few times. If I overheard some stranger trash-talking me from 5 feet away, I think I'd cry.

- I judge fat people eating junk food, even though I happen to be carrying some extra heft myself.

- I have no patience with my mother. Anyone else in the world can ask me to do a simple favor, and I'd be happy to do it. My mom asks me to put away the dishes, and I act like she's just told me to impale myself on a white-hot poker.

- I ignore homeless people. I'm also very uncomfortable around mentally handicapped people and children.

- I would much rather a competitor fail than put in extra work to beat them. (I'm currently competing with every intern at this office, and I'm secretly plotting their demise.)

- I have no qualms taking the last of anything. If there's only one slice of cake left, it sucks that you didn't happen to get to it first.

- I make snap judgments about people based on their level of education. I always allow for them to prove me wrong, but that doesn't get rid of the fact that I came into things with a preconceived notion of their intellect.

- When I'm drunk, all the shit things I've been wanting to say to people come out. At the time, I think I'm being sassy. Many people have told be to drop one of the "S's" and the "Y," in order to give a more accurate description.

- I'm a flirt. It's apparently my innate manner of interaction. I'll stop if someone tells me to stop, but then I'll pout in the corner for at least a few minutes, and think about how mad I am at him/her for ending my fun... I might think they're jealous once or twice during those few minutes...

... and now I'm going to stop, because the idea of this list getting any longer is frightening. Guys... I think I might be an asshole!!!

Assy McAsserface

Want to giggle??

I am a HUGE supporter of giggling. I think laughing beats any other activity you can think of... YES. ALL OF THEM. My good friend Kelley, knowing how I love to sit and giggle at work, sent me this lovely blog:

Sleep Talkin' Man

Although I'm confused as to when this lady listens to the hours of recordings of her husband, this blog is a list of all of the crazy stuff he says while dreaming. One of my personal favorites? "Badger tickling: Proceed with caution."


14 January 2010

Can't forget...

The cupcakes!!!

You've got to check this woman out... she makes the most AMAZING baked goods. Teddy bear cake that actually sits up and looks like a teddy bear??!! Yes, yes she did that.


Most certainly something I want...


It would be the end of crazy extension chords that you can never find when you need them, and are either too short or so long that they get all tangled!!!! Yippee!