30 March 2010


I need someone here to play with my hair. I deep-conditioned my locks this morning and they are so incredibly soft. Limp as a noodle... but SO SOFT!!!! Like... almost rabbit fur soft.




Perfect Example...

Yesterday I put up a Facebook status that confused a few people... it said:

I will never work out at a co-ed gym again... and you can't make me!!!!

I then realized that absolutely nobody but may parents knew that I had just joined a women-only gym in Boston. I did! It's FANTASTIC!!!

Check it out: HealthWorks

The gym is beautiful, the classes are fun, the locker room is beyond imagination, the instructors have been rated #1 in Boston for the past 4 years, and as long as I'm wearing something that could be vaguely considered workout attire, I'm good to go!!

Now, it might seem like the presence of the opposite sex really isn't a big deal, but today there was an occurrence in my morning class that will serve as a perfect example of why my gym is so awesome, and why I will attempt to never work out at a co-ed gym ever again.

The Scene:

It's 6:15-ish in the morning. I'm wearing the same sports bra and tank top as yesterday, because yoga didn't really get me sweaty so much as sore. My instructor Eden has already made me laugh a couple times, and I'm sucking it real hard at Pilates, so it helps to have her cheering me up. After poor attempt to complete this one particular exercise with towels under my feet, she says it's time to increase the difficulty with a foam roller. I hesitantly grab the roller, stick it under my legs, and barely manage to budge while everyone else is making sweeping "pike" movements. No one's paying attention to me beside Eden, and she told me at the very beginning I wasn't going to have it easy, so at least I knew her expectations were low. Then, it happens. In my last desperate attempt to roll my body inward using just my abs, one of my legs slips across the sleek surface of the foam roller. It was... the most amazing imitation of a fart noise I have ever heard. I mean, no mistaking it... everyone in the incredibly quiet room had no doubt I had just farted, even though I hadn't. There was a slight pause, and then an uproar of laughter broke through the studio. Taking a queue from my jovial instructor, I announced loudly: "It was the foam roller! I swear!" Eden and the girls cracked up again, and before getting back to work, Eden said, "I like the new girl. She can stay." Once class was over, I went to introduce myself to Eden, since she seemed to know everyone else's name in the class. I told her I had a great time, and she responded, "Good! You're more than welcome to come back as long as you promise not to fart again." I giggled, told her I'd try my best, and went up to the locker room to change without a single drop of embarrassment.

That, ladies and gents, is why I would like to work out at this gym FOREVER, and never have to be a self-conscious exerciser ever again.


P.S. Today I wore my rain boots, and I walked in a puddle that was 6 inches deep!!! I burst out in the most joyous giggle ever known to man, and was stared at by many a disgruntled pedestrian.

29 March 2010


I love this man... I'm so incredibly blessed to have him as one of my besties.

If all else fails we'll get him and some of his friends out with us next time i come

and then you can charm them

and use them as your new pipeline to penis

culvert to cock

tube to testes

channel to chode

aqueduct to ass

highway to hotties

freight rail to sexual intercourse



27 March 2010

Detox extension...

I've decided to extend my dating detox at least another month. Partly because it's really not that hard to detox when the temptation doesn't exist (Yeah... meeting new people is on my to do list...), meaning that I should probably give it a go for reals, and partly because I've quite enjoyed it! 

There is also the fact that I'm not quite ready for "Mirror, Mirror." My gym membership starts as soon as I move... so... YAY SUNRISE YOGA!!! 


26 March 2010


I giggle a bit every time my computer tells me, "Your touchpad/pointing stick has been disabled, due to another device being detected in the area." It's a wonderful start to every workday.


23 March 2010

Poop Thoughts

Poop thoughts... courtesy of me and Brad. If you're already offended, don't read the rest.

Have you ever taken a poop so big that it makes you swear (re-swear, really) that you'll never have butt sex?

I love taking poops at work. Nothing like getting paid to poop.



So last night I got a good night's sleep, finally. The combination of a mild coke zero addiction, daylight's savings, and discovering that Modern Family is GENIUS (once you get past the pilot) has led to several nights of insufficient sleep. Anyway, you'd think that I would have been out like a log, but it turns out my unconscious self had just been waiting to come out and play.

First of all, I woke up in the midst of a thought, which happened to be: "The tangerine is too far away this time." Where was the tangerine last time? Why did it move? What was happening that necessitated it being a certain distance from me? Also... I haven't eaten or even seen a tangerine in ages... so where did that come from?

As soon as that thought (and the subsequent questions that arose) had passed I realized that I had a song playing in my head. Which song? THIS ONE Do you know this song?? Apparently, I do. Turns out I have it on iTunes. I finally remembered that I had purchased it because I thought Jason Castro was awkward/adorable/hot and deserving of a little support. Perhaps my subconscious had created a scenario in which Jason Castro and I were falling in love again, and it turns out that the tangerine we both reached for  was too far away during our reenactment. With the tangerine being too far away, he reached it before I did, and we didn't have that brushing of hands that led to our whirlwind romance. DAMN YOU JASON CASTRO AND YOUR LONG, MAN ARMS!!! I don't mean it. Let's just move the tangerine, and try this again. 

Anyway, I got over the initial confusion, double-clicked the song on my computer, and hopped in the shower while singing along. Then, out of nowhere, I get this panic-stricken thought. KATIE, YOU FORGOT TO MESSAGE BEN BACK!!! I stood there under the water trying to remember if he had texted or Facebook messaged me, when I realized that he had done neither. Ben most certainly hadn't messaged me at all. So, then I start thinking: perhaps while I was fuming in my frustration about the tangerine thwarting my efforts to fall in love with Jason Castro again, I received a cryptic message from Ben... with just enough hope behind it to make me think that falling in love with Jason might not be the best idea. As I was waking up, subconscious Katie was rocking back and forth on the ground near the fruit stand, muttering to a confused Jason: "The tangerine is too far away this time... The tangerine is too far away this time... The tangerine is too far away this time..." As if the distance of the tangerine from me, and the timing of my text message, were omens of the disastrous effects of brushing hands with the man I thought I loved.

Which begs the question... why can't subconscious Katie get a break??


22 March 2010

In the unlikely case...

That you haven't had this blog mentioned to you yet...

Hyperbole and a Half

The amazing Allie Brosh really has put the last nail in the coffin that is my aspirations of being a relevant blogger. Not that I was really serious about it... I mean, I kinda talk about myself, put up links, and just have a ton of photos of awesome cupcakes... but this girl would sweep the floor with anything I could create.

Brad, Kel, and I have all become hooked (Rach... you too??). We're friends with Spaghatta Nadle on Facebook, we read the posts during breaks between projects at work in order to keep our sanity (HEY... you try editing 300 pages of powerpoint in one sitting... okay??!!), and we discuss the fact that pie really IS better than cake. Now that I come to think of it... I'd like to debate her on pie v. cupcakes, because we all know I could kick ass in that debate. I won't win on humor or artistic representation, but when it comes to mastery of rhetoric and reason, I. WILL. WIN.

Anyhoodle, since the last time I posted something I wanted led to me getting said wanted item... I'm going to do it again. I want this, in celebration of my becoming a functioning member of adult society. Decide amongst yourselves as to who will get it for me.



18 March 2010

Google image adventure...

So, my feet happen to smell like this right now:

I don't know why. It just happened... but it got me thinking that maybe I could find a photo of a foot with butter on it. Sadly, that didn't turn out to be easy, since tons of foot lotions out there happen to be made with shea butter... sigh. So, I tried typing "foot+butter" into google. That's how I found this:

Apparently, some people really can't do without having the ability to turn a stick of butter into a 10-foot-long ribbon. According to the site, it will revolutionize your butter experience. What I think will truly revolutionize your butter experience, however, is this:

Butter Superman will save you one dry serving of mashed potatoes at a time!!! Or perhaps one piece of toast at a time... In which case, he'll need to use the next item on the list... found when I tried to google "foot+stick+butter." (Unless his butter fingers can regenerate... Hmmm...)

Not going to lie... I'm kind of intrigued by this product, as the butter can be spread evenly and accurately across the extent of your toast. It also makes you feel like you're back in kindergarten and this time it's totally okay if you eat the glue stick!!!

I feel like I might be able to find what I was originally looking for by researching foot fetishes... but we all know how well that's going to go...


17 March 2010


Oh, for the love of all things delicious!!!! GREEN velvet cupcakes!!! I MUST FIND THESE TODAY!!!

As Jenny says: "Put a little Irish in you!"

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

My New Girl Crush

Female Love of My Life

I know I'm behind on this trend, but I am now IN LOVE with Gabby Sidibe. Girl is fantastic!!! What caused my inevitable, albeit belated conversion?? The two videos featured on the link above.


16 March 2010

Life Update

It's now my third week in Boston, and I've been ridiculously busy. With the apartment hunt, starting the new job, setting up my 401k, health insurance, flexible spending plan, credit card, checking account, life insurance, gym membership, furniture, taxes, and having friends in town to keep me company the past two weeks, I'm not too surprised to say that I haven't had much time to keep in touch. I actually received a call from one of my best friends (yes, there are a few of you... I try not to descriminate) saying, "Hi, I'm calling to see if you might know where my friend Katie is. We used to talk a lot, and now she's disappeared." So, in addition to actually calling you all back, I'm going to give you a little update on the happenings in my life.

- My job is great!!! All of my coworkers are brilliantly sweet, and have been so helpful in getting me settled in and out of the office. Before I got here, I had offers from people to stay in their guest rooms if need be. Since I've arrived I've received doctor, salon, restaurant, shopping, housing, and financial advice to help ease my transition into adulthood. (Although the biggest help in the financial department has been Cort. He's been freaking amazing at helping me understand my investments!!!) Work wise, it's been a little slow, but today I'm getting read in on my first project!!! This might actually have me running out to Northern California a few times in the next couple months, so watch out!!!

- I found an apartment!!! After looking at horrible apartment after horrible appartment, I finally gave in and started looking for roommates. Within a week, I found Danielle and Antonina, who live in the most fantastic apartment in the Back Bay (trendy area). Market value for the apartment is $1000 over what we'll be paying in rent, so the place is really quite a ridiculous steal. We've got hardwood floors, a huge living/dining area, and a PRIVATE ROOFTOP DECK!!!! My room is pretty miniscule, but I have 2 closets (both will be full), and my guess is that I'll spend most of my time in our common space, anyway. Danielle and Antonina are both 24, will be a horrible influence on my shopping "habit," and are super sweet/smart/gorgeous/etc. Apparently Danielle's boyfriend often takes them out for drinks... his treat... so I'm quite looking forward to meeting him!

- The past two weekends I've been treated to visits from Rachael, Bradley, and Kelley. It's been a challenge trying to be a tour guide to my friends while attempting to figure out the city myself, but it was so wonderful having them around!!! Rachael's assessment of my future man at 3 a.m. after a night of drinking and dancing was by far and away one of my favorite moments. This was in addition to Bradley's awesome fashion show complete with cat calls and ass oogling, and my Marilyn Monroe marathon with Kelley. (If you haven't seen Some Like it Hot, you absolutely must!!! It's just as fantastic every time I watch it as it was the first time.)

- I don't think I've ever talked to my mother this much. Given that I am attempting to navigate all of this solo, my mother has gotten a ridiculous amount of emails, calls, and even faxes with details on my every move. It's quite possible I've been driving her a bit crazy, but she says that she's liked seeing me figure it all out, and she was a big fan of my idea of working out a loan for furniture with her and my Dad. (BIG FAN of the part where I said I'd pay them back.) She happens to loathe all things IKEA, which allowed for some negotiating in the "who pays/who can afford" discussion.

- My dating detox has been a breeze. It's so easy when you don't know ANY guys in the area. Or rather, when the only two guys you know in the area are your ex-boyfriend, and a guy who's still trying to get over his long-term girlfriend. I do have to say though, that once the detox is over, I'm very excited at my hypothetical prospects. Boston boys are CUTE!!! They're tall, they're white-bread american, they dress like men, and they're all German/Irish/other Western Europen descent... which I'm all about (as I'm sure I've told you). I'm totally enjoying the dating equivalent to window shopping.

I'm sure there's more to update, but my free time is running out, and I want to go grab some of Karen's banana bread before my meeting. (Mmmmmm... banana bread!!!) I'll try and give you all a call by this weekend!!!


11 March 2010

If Taylor Swift...

Was a gay teenage boy!! Gotta love it...

You Belong with Me

It's totally adorable... whether they meant it to be or not. Thanks Mal!!


09 March 2010

Welcome to the real world...

It isn't that bad!!!! Granted, once again I have seemed to find the golden pear in the enormous mound of dog shit, due to the fact that I'm a recent college grad not having to figure out their independence on minimum wage. I also am not being trailed by daunting student loans, which is a lot more than many of my fellow Gen-Y can say. Anyhoodle, the point of this post is not to wax on about the good fortune that I have had in my upbringing. The point is to discuss my mentality in facing the real world.

Today, as I sat contemplating my 401k after a chat with my new friend Judge McKee at Merrill Lynch (brother of Colonel McKee), I decided to complete a full-fledged mock-up of my monthly expenses. I started at the top of my page in my notebook with my post-tax montly salary and kept subtracting. The idea was to keep subtracting until I couldn't come up with any more expenses, take that last number, shrink it a bit for any unforseen situation, and use that for my monthly contribution to my retirement fund. What I found out is that on top of my bills, I can afford monthly pedicures, professional haircuts every few months, a little discount shopping for retail therapy, nights out with friends, and eating out for lunch during the work week.

This got me extremely excited, because it set aside one fear that has been nagging me for quite some time. Namely, that I couldn't afford myself. Sure, I've changed my habits a bit over the past 6 months in preparation for this life change. I've discovered the beauty of ebay, TJ Maxx, Target, and Goodwill for the shopping cravings. I've stopped highlighting my hair, learned to keep my fingernails super short, and been teaching myself a little bit more about cooking. I've also started scowering grocery stores and pharmacies, comparing unit prices as part of my purchasing decisions. But all-in-all, I'm still a big fan of a little luxury... So, it was a concern.

Anyway, this realization immediately made me jump online to spread the news to my friends. I, Katie, lover of all things expensive, can afford myself!!! It's a miracle!!! It was then that someone decided they wanted to rain on my parade.

"The real world sucks," Kris told me.
"Why? And why in the world would you tell me that?" I responded.
"It's better you heard it from me, than have to figure it out yourself," was his explanation.

Kris then went on to tell me the disappointment you feel every time you see money has been taken out of your account to pay for this or that. An electric bill here, rent there - the list goes on and on. Of course, I was unappreciative of his Debbie Downer attitude, but I quickly realized that it was also unnecessary. Here's my thought process in question-and-answer form:

Q: Why do I make money?
A: I make money in order to live my life comfortably.

Q: Is having a roof over my head, food, warm water, electricity, cable, internet, phone, gym membership, health insurance, and the like part of what you need to live comfortably?
A: Why yes, in fact, they're essential to my comfort. (Obviously gym/cable/etc. a little less so.)

Q: Did you know before you started working that you would start having to paying for your expenses, and that the world wouldn't pay for you?
A: I did, indeed.

Q: Do you account for all of your expenses before going for a spending spree?
A: Certainly.

Q: Do you have some money left over for life's little pleasures?
A: Sure, at least for a treat every now and again.

Q: Will you be able to set aside some money for the future?
A: Yes. A little every month.

Q: Then, is there any reason that you should be surprised, depressed, or angered by the money leaving your account - seeing as you deemed the services as necessary or valuable? That you gained something of equal or greater intangible value from each expense?
A: No. It's how the world works. It's basic economics. (The only thing I can be mad about is taxes, due to the fact that I would much rather charitably allocate that money than have the government take it and waste most of it.)

So, what this means to me is that the real world doesn't really suck. You have to be cognizant of your expenses, plan ahead, make some compromises, and work hard, but there's nothing about the process that is inherently unfair. Nor is it really that different from any other "world" I've been in before. Books have been read, papers written, texts analyzed, exercises done, practices attended - all done in exchange for something that I deemed important. If I didn't resent it then, why would I resent it now?


08 March 2010

Holy Hot Pants, Batman!!!

This weekend Bradley and Rachael graced me with their presence. In between my jots to different apartments around the Boston/Cambridge area, we decided to do a little shopping. It was beautiful, fun, exhilarating, relaxing... until my eyes were assaulted by THIS at H&M.

H&M now offers sequined hot pants, also available in navy blue. When have hot pants ever been a good idea? On top of that... why add sequins to an item that already draws unflattering attention to the ass and thighs??? It's like when voluptuous girls wear pants that have "juicy" on the butt. No need, my curvacious compatriots!! No need!!


04 March 2010

How has it taken this long??

Forever ago, Kelley sent me this amazing "recipe" for what will no doubt lead to the most glorious moment of my life. BEHOLD:


Just in case you want to try this for yourself...


03 March 2010


No need to worry about my health. Unlike the water/cayenne pepper/honey/lemon cleanses that turn you into a raving beeotch before dulling you into a submissive daze, my cleanse is different. As I told you before, I have picked up a little book written by Miss Patti Stanger. Now, in the spirit of good fun and a lackluster love life, I've decided to dive into Patti's 8 step process wholeheartedly. Step 1? The Cleanse.

What does this mean? For at least a month, I will make absolutely no attempts at attracting a man, nor will I accept dates - although group activities are allowed. I will not engage in any sort of sexual interaction, unless it involves Me, Myself, and I. (A very hot threesome if I do say so myself.) I will not pine, scheme, overinterpret, dramatize, or daydream about any sort of romantic connection. Boys (Men? Am I at the age where I should really start calling them men?) will be purely platonic objects.

What's left? Me. Just me. For a month or more.

I actually find it quite exciting. For the next month I will be focusing 100% on what I want. I'll be setting up my life in Boston without considering anyone's needs but my own. A trip to the bar will be a welcome chance for me to enjoy the ambiance, drink a few, and spend some time with friends without looking to see if someone's checking me out. I'll do yoga instead of running, because I actually LIKE yoga. (Sure running burns calories faster... but 75% of the time I thoroughly detest the experience, whereas yoga still has the physical aspect while being calming, interesting, and cathartic.) I'll join the kickball team and not freak out about the uck factor of my end of the day hair/face/self. I'll play around with my sense of style - taking some more risks in order to have a little more fun. It's that infamous "Me Time," that every Southern California housewife talks about ad nauseum. How wonderful!!!!

Step 1 is also supposed to help ease you into Step 2: Mirror Mirror.

Mirror Mirror is where I have to take an HONEST look at myself in the mirror. I'm not to be hurtful, but rather offer myself some constructive criticism. Then I have to make changes - throw out the sweatshirt that should never see daylight, make 100% sure I go to the gym on a regular basis, break ties with Ben & Jerry, quit attacking my face... and many more.

Perhaps I'll extend Step 1 forever...


01 March 2010

Times are A-Changing...

Hello Loves!!!

Today was my first day of grown-up work!!! From here on out, I'll be pulling about 50 hour work weeks. Sadly, this means I can't post quite as often as I have previously. If you haven't done it already, put me in your google reader, and expect a couple posts a week (not including quick links or photos). This way if there's anything new, it'll pop up automatically!!

Oh, and question to you all. Am I the only person who wigged out while trying to fill out a 1 page tax form??