03 March 2010


No need to worry about my health. Unlike the water/cayenne pepper/honey/lemon cleanses that turn you into a raving beeotch before dulling you into a submissive daze, my cleanse is different. As I told you before, I have picked up a little book written by Miss Patti Stanger. Now, in the spirit of good fun and a lackluster love life, I've decided to dive into Patti's 8 step process wholeheartedly. Step 1? The Cleanse.

What does this mean? For at least a month, I will make absolutely no attempts at attracting a man, nor will I accept dates - although group activities are allowed. I will not engage in any sort of sexual interaction, unless it involves Me, Myself, and I. (A very hot threesome if I do say so myself.) I will not pine, scheme, overinterpret, dramatize, or daydream about any sort of romantic connection. Boys (Men? Am I at the age where I should really start calling them men?) will be purely platonic objects.

What's left? Me. Just me. For a month or more.

I actually find it quite exciting. For the next month I will be focusing 100% on what I want. I'll be setting up my life in Boston without considering anyone's needs but my own. A trip to the bar will be a welcome chance for me to enjoy the ambiance, drink a few, and spend some time with friends without looking to see if someone's checking me out. I'll do yoga instead of running, because I actually LIKE yoga. (Sure running burns calories faster... but 75% of the time I thoroughly detest the experience, whereas yoga still has the physical aspect while being calming, interesting, and cathartic.) I'll join the kickball team and not freak out about the uck factor of my end of the day hair/face/self. I'll play around with my sense of style - taking some more risks in order to have a little more fun. It's that infamous "Me Time," that every Southern California housewife talks about ad nauseum. How wonderful!!!!

Step 1 is also supposed to help ease you into Step 2: Mirror Mirror.

Mirror Mirror is where I have to take an HONEST look at myself in the mirror. I'm not to be hurtful, but rather offer myself some constructive criticism. Then I have to make changes - throw out the sweatshirt that should never see daylight, make 100% sure I go to the gym on a regular basis, break ties with Ben & Jerry, quit attacking my face... and many more.

Perhaps I'll extend Step 1 forever...


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