Mom, I'm sorry. You're not going to think this post is funny.
So, I'm taking part in a date auction for charity. It's kickball-sponsored, and so as part of the set-up, they gave us a questionnaire with questions that were begging for sexual jokes. Now, I don't have the flare for forced humor, so I enlisted the help of a friend. What resulted, is the hilarity that I am about to post below. We'll see how much I tweak before I have to turn it in on Sunday. My guess is that I'll totally freak out on Saturday and change every single answer, because I really don't have the balls for what's below...
Name & Nickname: Katie a.k.a. "Chickaboom"
Dream Job: Sex Swing Acrobat
Favorite Position: The upside-down petal stripper (Oh... and second base.)
1. If you could change your name to a certain food or condiment, what would it be?
2. What alcoholic beverage best describes you?
The Naughty Holiday
3. If you had the power of invisibility where would you go and what would you do?
Navy submarine, I'd "wax the ship"
4. If you had the power to get rid of one state, what would it be and why?
Kansas, because I forget it exists anyway
5. What Jersey Shore character are you the most like and why?
JWoww, except my big tits are 100% real
6. If you had to star in a brand new reality TV show, what woul dit be called and what would be the plot?
"America's Next Trophy Wife" - challenges would range from romance languages to cunnilingus
7. If you could have an affair with a celebrity, who would it be and why?
The Naked Cowboy, because he fills out his briefs, and I've always wanted a reason to yell "YEEHAW!"
8. If you woke up one morning and realized you were a man, what would be the first thing you did?
I'd call in sick and play with my new penis all day.
9. Have you ever had a stalker or been a stalker? Explain.
No, but that's just because Justin Bieber doesn't live close enough.
10. What's the most dangerous/daring thing you have ever done?
Given head with braces
11. What's your favorite electronic device?
The toaster oven. (Oh! Got you there!)
12. If you could name a Stump Trivia Team after yourself, what would it be called?
Quiz on My Tits
13. What's your most embarrassing date story?
I'm too adorable for any of my actions to be embarrassing.
14. Name your top 5 turn ons and turn offs: (This, like the toaster over, I answered honestly)
Turn ons: Bow ties, thick thighs, nerdiness, big smiles, and witty repartee
Turn offs: Social conservatives, capri pants, meekness, snobbery, ignorance
Now... who wants to bid on me???!!! ;-)