15 October 2009


Yoga + Observation = Yogervation... Live it. Love it.

Today I experienced a revelation during yoga... I'm a BITCH. Stick me in a room full of fit people and a mirror and I will just go off! The old lady with incredible balance? She can't hold eagle for more than 30 seconds... EAT THAT OLD LADY!! What about the girl next to me with legs for days? Girl can't figure out her right from her left... GO BACK TO KINDERGARTEN VICTORIA SECRET MODEL!!! Don't even get me started on the college girl that so clearly did her hair for our 6:30 a.m. hour flow class... complete with one man, age 65.

All that's fine and dandy... and wickedly entertaining for someone who can't just focus on their breathing for an hour straight, but I am by far and away the biggest bitch in the room when it comes to myself. Instead of contemplating my navel, I spent 90% of the hour focusing on my "muffin top." (Evidence that God doesn't exist: Forget plumbing next to the playground... what's up with putting your spiritual center just above the fupa and surrounded by the muffin top??) Love handles, fat tire, jelly roll, cushion for the pushin' - I was OBSESSED for about 45 minutes with what was going on there. Warrior 1 and 2 were totally fine... forget downward dog or child's pose, because those two make a huge pooch... has anyone ever looked at the bizarre shape your stomach takes in plank? It's like some sort of fin running down your mid-section... And for goodness sakes, why couldn't my spandex pants keep from folding over and making it worse??!!

And then something finally happened... I told myself, not so politely, to SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Once I got over myself, I was able to notice how funny it was to hear yoga instructions with a southern accent, how great it was to not be in a room full of bonafide yogi's complete with their stupid "zen" faces, and how much I appreciated that the floors were padded so that I didn't hurt my knees... or my ass when I lost balance. In simple words: I had fun.

So, today I encourage you to tell yourself to shut the fuck up. (And yes... the F-bomb is necessary for emphasis.)


P.S. This morning, right as I was leaving for work, I realized there was a window cleaner working on the windows to my condo. This realization came after having walked around the condo naked a few times before getting dressed.... AWESOME. Maybe I won't have to pay for the cleaning.

1 comment:

Rachael said...

Just tell me you clean those Spandex after each and every individual use...