21 January 2011

Why I'm a big girl... ish

Hey Loves!

So, today I was thinking about the fact that I am an adult. I'm an adult, and for the first time in the 6 years that I've been one, I actually feel like one... almost.

As I constantly try to remind myself, and as certain people never fail to remind me, I have had a life that hasn't exactly been tough. I had personal issues for a handful of years, which I may or may not blog about one day, but I've always had parents that love me, food on the table, and support in my every endeavor. Not to mention that I graduated from college without debt. Doesn't get much sweeter than that, right?

So, it's not surprising that I never felt like an adult. I never really had to be one. All I ever had to be was a student, succeed at the goals that I and my parents set for me (in my defense, they were quite lofty), and continue to not be a drug addict.

I'm not saying that I'm now poverty-stricken with absent parents and a baby to support, but I hope that I don't need to be in order to consider myself an adult. I'm a hard-working, tax-paying, organ donor  with savings in an ETF that has earned 10% this year. In the words of one of the two boys that played the little kid in "Bid Daddy" - "I wipe my own ass!"

I've also got confidence and have gotten my shit together emotionally. It might have taken years, but I worked hard to love myself, and am now at a point that some people never reach. When I say I'm awesome... I believe it!

And yet, when it comes to boys... I feel like I'm still a kindergartner. So, I'm trying to break this bad habit. And it starts with an assumption - he won't call, and that's okay.

What do I mean? You dance with a boy, you make out with him, whatever. Numbers are exchanged, and you hit the moment where it's in his hands. Then you fast forward togets to a handful of days later, and although it's not too late, you're starting to doubt the call will come in. There are now two choices. You can either take whatever fun moment you had as an ego boost and a good memory, and move on with your life... or you can do what I usually do. "Is he going to call?" "Why hasn't he called?" "What's wrong?!" Or perhaps you push friends to meddle, or take the first step and call him. (Which... really never works, no matter how much guys may say they like a girl who can take charge, and no matter how genuinely your friends try to help.) It's time I start doing the former.

And today, that is what I am doing. Or, if I'm being honest, trying my best to do. I made out with a boy on Sunday. It was a hoot. He asked for my number, and wrote his number on a receipt for me. As we left the bar, he said, "Call me," and I said, "You first," in a very playful manner. And now it's Friday, and I have not received a call.

Now, there are possibilities I have let run through in my head. 1) He didn't hear my say, "You first," and expects me to call. 2) He knows he'll see me Sunday at bowling, and is a boy, so he figures he'll talk to me there and that's that. 3) He's in a coma.

Most likely, he and I were drunk, we made out, and despite talking for 5 hours before the making out part, he is completely satisfied with that moment having come and gone.


Am I convincing? I'm gonna say it until it's true!


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